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Proper 10A, What Grace...

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As always, the readings can be found here, we are using Track 2 for this three year cycle.
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Love. Freely Given.
I mentioned last week that, in my senior year of high school, my Father died. Suddenly, unexpectedly and ultimately, unresolvedly.
And, as I stood at the literal grave, all I could do was wail “I’m sorry, I’m sorry”.
I was sorry for so many things that had not been forgiven, so many things that had hurt my relationship with my father, my father whom I had sought desperately and, ultimately, unsuccessfully to please in life.
And, so, my song at the grave was one of regret at all that was unresolved.
It has taken me upwards of 20 years to forgive myself for being a teenager, to forgive myself for not fitting within the confines of my parent’s expectations, to understand that their love for me was not conditional even when I knew that I could not meet their conditions.
20 years to let go of the “I’m sorry” and sit in the “I love you” of who they were and who I am.
And, so today…

Proper 9A

Readings appointed for today can be found here (note, we're using Track 1 for this three year cycle)
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Then, Now, When
I couldn’t have imagined the now. 

I couldn't have imagined it during my senior year in high school when my dad died. 
I couldn't have imagined it in the years I used my credit card to buy groceries. 
I couldn't have imagined it when phone calls from my mother were best avoided because she was drunk when she made them. 
I couldn’t have imagined the now. 

After years of one foot in front of another, footsteps guided by some far off goal or another, I couldn’t have imagined the now.
The stability, the happiness, the joy—and the time and energy to look up from the path in front of me and take the kind of long view that considers the question posed in the Mary Oliver poem, the Summer Day, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
What shall I do? Having reached the end point of one journey, which direction should I go? Now that thi…